Waiting..sucks just as much as thinking somethings on clearance and u get to the register and its not.

Lonely..

Fact: I love when your wearing a work uniform with your company logo and nametag on it..and they ask you. ” Do you work here ma’am?” …..fail

So today lets see..wasn’t to horrible. I work all day. and all night basically. But im off tomorrow. Hopefully i hear from this job thing tomorrow :(

Cross fingers pray to god.

Now i’m just waiting to hear from my darling.

Quiet night.

The mind is a beautiful thing. It plays tricks on you but it always helps you see the most amazing things in this world. It distinguishes your choices and sometimes it messes up and makes you take the wrong path but always, in the end you get back on track.

I ask myself this morning, what makes me happy? Well, i’m happy when i have my favorite music blasting in my room and im singing to it and getting ready for work. That makes me happy..or waking up and laying there for a few mins..that also makes me happy..but what else makes me happy is that im a strong independent woman. Even though the love of my life is on what seems the other side of the world, i’m trying soooo hard to be strong and have TRUST which to me is like having a heart. W/o a heart you can’t function. Well without trust i can’t live that portion of my life. And I have had my doubts these past few days and I have had to struggle with a lot..but is it all worth it? Is it worth forgiving and moving onto the next challenge that i’m sure is right around the corner? Perhaps or it might back fire but, i know that in the end i’ll be the same, Pains temporary. I’m still waiting to hear about this new job which brings MANY positives and yet MANY negatives.

I’m tired of not being with him.

How would you feel if you kept trying really hard for something and gave it everything you had and it was never enough? Every single time you put everything you have your soul your heart your mind and someone just closes the door as soon as it opens. I’m tired of it. I’m so  enervated that i just feel like whats the use of trying its going to just keep tiring me out. I have gone on so many interviews and getting second interviews and even getting called for an interview but to have them tell me two weeks later BEFORE even scheduling an interview i wasn’t qualified but my achievements are greatly appreciated? WTF.

So heres the thing i have this opportunity to get a job at this condo, live there rent free, and get paid. WHAT MORE! but, i feel in the very back of my mind it wont happen. I mean look at the track record all No’s and zero yes’s the odd’s of it happening are cloudy with a large chance of rain. I really really want this more then anything i have ever wanted (besides my boyfriend by me 24/7) but this would literally be life changing..and i need that immensely right now.

Not gunna lie pretty pissed at the current moment. ..

Not a happy Camper.

You know how you meet that one person that you could talk about anything and everything and it could never get old. How you could talk about electromagnetic Scientology and uhh would be pretty much the coolest thing in the world to you just because your talking about it together. Or how about no talking at all…Just looking at that person..Dead on, no words, just silence. Everything around you is still and all you feel is your heart pounding against your chest and the butterflies fluttering around in your tummy…..

There’s this certain someone that i have met.  i can not get him out of my head. I mean its morning noon & night non stop. Always thinking about this person always missing & always wondering if they are thinking about me ( which..hopefully i know that answer) I mean take a second & think how is it possible to always have someone on your mind and yet function & think throughout the day. It’s like that person is just chillin up there hanging out you know just having a good time ha. Anyways…

His Names Kenny although its weird to call him by his name. Kinda like when you were younger & you couldn’t call your teacher by their first name. lol Idk weird.( I go off on a lot of tangents )  but anyways, yes. His Names Kenny <3  Is it possible that one person can change your entire world? Your outlook on life and morals and goals & being a better person. Just one single person. I’m not a bad person however, I do think i could better myself & he def. brings that out in me. I get butterflies every time i talk/see to him my smile is non-stop and never goes away    (i hope it never goes away.)  little inside jokes ( fishy Kisses) hehe He makes me feel beautiful, special , charming, silly, gorgeous, funny, clever, intelligent, unique, loved, cared for, admired, cherished, i mean the list goes on. I genuinely feel that if him & i were in a room full of beautiful women his eyes would stay on me. :) What a feeling! You have to go through a few duds to find the one that shines.

Sometimes in life you need to let go of the safety net that you have been holding on to & just fall…fall hard and fall fast.

According to the Dictionary FOREVER means :

–adverb

–noun

2. an endless or seemingly endless period of time

—Idiom